The Stolen Heart (Excerpt)

The Stolen Heart


Characters:

The setting: an English country house party in the early thirties

Lady Madeline Maltby – the lady of the house and hostess of the house party
Lord Roger Maltby – the master of the house and host of the house party. Big fan of hunting.
Lady Hydrangea Mantertash – distant, wealthy relative of Lord Roger
Miss Ragney Granger – poor relation of Madeline, here for a charity visit from her family home in a rather bad part of London; good blood
Mr. Levenhall – elusive houseguest, friend of Lord Roger's family
Mr. Leopold Rosencrentz – up-and-coming barrister, work friend of Lord Roger
Lord Hyperion Todworth – social relation of Lord Roger, “goes to all these things”
Miss Leslie Catness – vamp from London. Invited herself.
Miss Teresa Catness – her sister; shy, quiet, and bad-tempered when spoken to.


SCENE I
Opening scene: the morning room, sun streaming in the windows

Lady Madeline, seated gracefully on the couch: Well! The weather certainly is cooperating! And they say it always rains on a house party
Miss Teresa Catness (reading a book, sullenly): I don’t think they say that.
L. M.: But of course they do! I’ve heard it a thousand times if I’ve heard it once! I wonder when dear, dear, Mr. Levenhall will arrive? (twiddles her thumbs) I wonder if he got caught in Little Digworth…. Hm – hm – hm – hm (humming)
M.T.C.: Looks up, glares, looks back down.

Door opens, in saunters Lord Hyperion Todworth
L.H.: Well hodey-ho! What have we hear? A gaggle of beauties!
L.M. laughs, M.T.C. doesn’t looks up, but snorts.
L.H.: beautiful day for a canter, what what! Who’s up for a little equine exercise?
L.M.: Well, not me, I’m afraid! I have to wait for the elusive Mr. Levenhall (sighs and flops back on the couch)
L.H.: Ah, yes – right. And who’s this latecomer?
L.M: Oh, some family friend of Roger’s. Old slow-top, in my opinion.
MT: Rolls her eyes and shuts her book w/a bang.
LM and LH look startled. She glances fiercely at both of them, then strides out of the room.
LM tosses her head.
LH: Well, I’m not going to let all this sunshiney outdoorsness go to waste, I tell you one thing! Where’re the rest of our frolicking friends?
LM: (airily) abed.
LH: What, all of ‘em? Not a one out-and-about?
LM: (rolls her eyes to the side) well if they are, they’ll no doubt be breakfasting!
LH: Right, right – capital idea… feeling a little peckish again myself at the moment…
(leaves the room)
(we follow him to the breakfast room)

SCENE II

(LH enters room jauntily, three people are seated at the table eating breakfast: Miss Ragney Granger, quietly eating breakfast, Mr. Leopold Rosencrentz, reading a newspaper and Lord Roger Maltby, drinking some beer while eating his steak)

Lord Roger: Todworth old fellow! It looks like a capital day for a little huntin’!
LH: I was thinking something more along the equine lines, myself, old chap – but it’s your home
LR: (looking a little downcast, but not to be overcome) nonsense! The guest is always first! (Looks around him at the others at table.) Is there anything….? (trails off weakly in the unresponsive silence, then goes takes another mouthful of beer, and shrugs)
LH: How’s about a little ride, then, old chum?
LR: Capital, capital! (now cheery again!) Have you let Madeline know?
LH: She’s waiting on that poxy friend of yours, Levenhall.
LR: Levenhall? That's odd! (Snorts and takes a swig of beer) Right then, we’ll just be two, then, unless… Rosencrentz – does a ride tempt you?
Mr. Leopold Rosencrentz: (looks up from his newspaper) I’m afraid not, Maltby. Perhaps at a different hour of the day.
LR: Well, I say that’s a rather unsporting spirit!
MLR: I’m so sorry, Maltby my friend, but I simply…

(we hear a scream from abovestairs, then another, then another. They are becoming quite alarming)